I recently shared this week that I struggle with anxiety, and that I am using one of our It Works supplements, Confianza, to help me battle the physical symptoms. I wanted to elaborate a little bit about my struggles with anxiety and post partum depression just to give you a better idea of how I am fighting it with Christ, exercise, and supplements.
I didn't have PPD with my first son, not even a little bit. With Silas, things were so different from the very beginning. The first few times I nursed him in the hospital I noticed that I immediately felt sad. The second he latched I would feel this overwhelming darkness, almost like a cloud. I researched it and it was a normal side effect from nursing because your hormones go up and down in order for your milk to let down. I wasn't very worried but did not like it. I didn't think much about it, and just went on about my life.
Eventually, Silas got very fussy and I didn't know why at around 8 weeks. We went to the doctor and he had lost about 7 oz in a month. Basically, I wasn't making enough and he was dropping weight and starving. We were both a mess. I tried it all to bring up my supply and plump him up. I pumped after every feeding, I used an SNS in order to put weight on him without damaging our latch. I tried every supplement there was. I even got a prescription for Reglan, which was probably a very big mistake as my depression was already getting worse.
Basically, after 4 weeks of battling Silas' weight and my supply just getting worse and worse. I was down to pumping maybe 11 oz a day after 10 pumping sessions. Yea, it was terrible. I was a wreck, and my PPD was in full swing. I also had a 2.5 year old at the time, so I was sitting down to feed and pump, which was taking me between 45 minutes to an hour 8-10 times a day. Not easy, but I was trying so hard to keep breastfeeding because it was so important to me.
Finally, I decided to stop battling and put him on formula. Then I spiraled even farther down. I cried constantly. Like all of the time. Every time I gave Silas a bottle of formula I would cry. Every time. 8 times a day because nursing was so important to me and I couldn't do it. I felt like a failure even though I wasn't. I didn't want to see anyone. I didn't want to talk to anyone. Which for me is weird. I wanted to be happy, but I couldn't choose it. I knew I should be happy but all I felt was this cloud of darkness. If you haven't ever had PPD this probably doesn't make much sense, but it was very real. I felt like I was constantly in a daze, and never really in the moment. Just lost. No one did anything wrong. I was going to church, I was praying, and I just couldn't climb out.
After another month, so Silas was around 4 months old, I told my husband I thought I needed help. That this was something out of my control. That I felt helpless and lost. I didn't feel like me, and I just wanted to be me again. I visited my doctor and I was prescribed a low dose of Zoloft.
Now, I didn't just feel better overnight. It all took time but basically what happened is one day a few weeks to a month later I realized I hadn't cried. That feeding Silas a bottle didn't bring me a huge sense of failure and resentment. I just felt normal. I felt joy again. I felt ready to focus on my health. I felt ready to join the real world outside of my home. I felt ready to talk about what I was feeling. I felt like me. No fog. No crying. I was able to finally be the mom I wanted to be to Judah and Silas. A happy one.
I was only on Zoloft a few months, and took myself off of it very easily. Of course with doctors orders. Why did I write this? Because PPD is normal, and we don't talk about it. We don't talk about it enough. It is a real thing that happens and is down right scary and for me it was debilitating. I was drowning in my own emotions. I am on the other side of it now, and soon after getting off of Zoloft I started exercising again. I found myself again. I lost the baby weight, and started using exercise a way to deal with the darker moments and day to day anxiety of being a mom. I was no longer depressed, but I definitely still struggled with mood swings, and extreme moments of anxiety.
Now, this brings me to Confianza. I still struggle with anxiety. I have always been an anxious person. Once I had two kids, the juggling act of it all gave me some anxiety but I have always just felt it was something I had to deal with. I did with exercise, prayer, and constant communication with my husband.
But there are still physical symptoms that hold me back. I get a tightness in my chest, mood swings, and just over all "blah-ness". About a month ago, I had a few really bad days. My emotions were all over the place. I was struggling to balance it all. Confianza was right in front of me the whole time, and I didn't see it. Finally, I decided to try it three weeks ago. I can honestly say it has helped. Dinner time was always hard for me, and I have been able to stay calm and collected at our toughest part of the day. I feel myself getting worked up but it doesn't get out of control. I stay calmer, more focused, and able to think my way through situations instead of being overwhelmed.
I am thankful that I have found a way to manage my anxiety symptoms without medications, even though I think there is a place for them having been through PPD. I also try to keep boundaries in my life, and keep a schedule. I am also learning to say no, which is very hard for me!
Anyway, if you have any questions about how I use Confianza to manage my anxiety please leave a comment or shoot me an email! I think exercise, prayer, and Confianza have made a world of difference so I wanted to share!